"follow in lowtaxs footsteps and finally finish something for the first time in your life you piece of shit"
- Comment on a 'drawthread' that broke out into a flame war about a character's sexuality, slurs omitted, anonymous.
All of that speaking has tired you out.
=====-> Be someone else.
How about this boy over here?
oh for fucks sake desu
=====-> BE NIAVIV GLOSNA
You roll out of your cupe, a special, low-to-the-ground model as one of the few things you've ever invested into in your life. Straight into the scattered, empty foils of microwave noodles littered all over your floor. They stick to the sopor coating you and insulate you against the incoming radiowaves of your alarm.
They don't do that, but you pretend they do. It's loud. Eventually you peel yourself off the floor to turn off the alarm. You're lucky your roommate isn't here today. He isn't really here most days. You have a working arrangement.
He works, and you don't.
Okay, okay. Okay. Off the floor (you laid back down after turning off your alarm, because you're terrible and a lost cause). Hup. What have we got on the menu today. On your way up you click on your hive tower, and the whirr of its fans between the combs blasts you directly in the face. More incentive, then.
You trudge into the ablution chamber and quickly rinse off so you don't get sopor (and empty ramen packets) over your chair (you put the ramen packets back on the floor, which doesn't help). The piles of various objects around your room are getting worse. Oh well.
Time to log on. Who are we going to be today?
> Welcome, languorousAggravation.
You navigate to your chat client, booting up five different instances, including one actually vanilla Discourse terminal. It's what you use to make screenshots. The other four are to incite Discourse. You mean discourse.
The only glow in the room is that of your monitors (four) and your eyes (green and purple). Both are fairly dim, these days.
You briefly think about getting a job again. You then put the thought out of your mind, because a new ping comes in on a chat terminal.
> GA has sent you a new message!
You let it sit there in order to entice you to clear out all your other notifications. There are a lot. Let's see.
Rukaka has blocked you again (no worries, you just need to make another new account), there's some sort of goldblood-only event going on, there's some more local vidya tournaments (that you stopped showing up to because you suck) that you're still in the server for and can't get yourself to leave, the usual handful of people just DMing you memes. Streamers having done some stupid shit. Streamers having done some inconsequential shit, but you're going to turn it into stupid shit. The Lilith-tracker is back up.
And that's just the stuff people tell you personally or you bother to actively track, before you even go to the boards! Life is good. Harassment stocks through the roof. To the moon etc. Gods, at least you're not stupid enough for that. |cc| is a stupid place. You'll have no part in it.
You wonder briefly if you could get Rukaka to buy memecoins for you to leave him alone, but decide it isn't worth it.
So, what then is this mystic message that you left for last? Well, you see, sometimes... sometimes you get contacted on purpose, specifically for your talents. Because justice can't do enough on its own to get the job done. You're a good person, really, helping out in these cases. This is a contact that uses you as a proxy to find some of the more consequential dirt on others. You're like a private detective! If a private detective hung out on websites named after weird fruit.
Your grin is wider than your monitor, at this point. You click on the message that came in on your unmodded open client.
GA: i have something for you!
GA: not the usual though
Well, there goes your fun.
LA: well what is it then
LA: worst kind of person (you currently) messages to ask a question without asking desu
GA: it does involve your usual information gathering!
GA: but it's not to deliver justice
GA: we currently need to get access to a computer
GA: you should be able to do that, right?
LA: i accessed your matesprit last night desu
GA: okay, yes. i probably deserve that for questioning you!
GA: but it's not something you can physically access
GA: someone else can
GA: but they can't plug anything in to it, it doesn't seem to have ports?
GA: it's very weird
GA: can you do that?
LA: i could access your matesprit any time
LA: anywhere
LA: using just the internet i could backdoor her in a minute desu
GA: i take it that's a yes
GA: you're upset at something, aren't you?
Fuck, maybe you've been in contact with her too long, if she's starting to pick up on your moods.
Fine, it should be a challenge, trying to access something that may or may not be airgapped. If it has internet access, though, it's just a matter of trying to brute force it over LAN.
Just takes a while.
LA: fine
LA: get me to the person who is closest to the thing desu
While you wait on her, you should get your mood up. Do something enjoyable. Something fun, something stimulating! This means prodding Atsune.
Unfortunately, he isn't online yet. This means you have to procrastinate.
The thing that comes to mind is tidying, which is a thought that disgusts you. Literally and figuratively. You think of all the ramen crumbs and soy sauce stains (you're too cheap for proper grubsauce and if the effects of soy are as theorised online it can't hurt) and shudder. But your stomach growls anyway. The last time you ate can be measured in days, and caffeine (one can already slammed back before this, so routine you forget to pay attention, second already open) does not sustain.
Does make your thoughts go down several tracks at once, blasting eurobeat.
Wandering into what passes for a kitchen you set the kettle to boil by flipping the switch psionically, opening the drawer hiding your stash with your fronds. Glorious, blessed, only moderately spicy instant noodles. You disdain the pourover cups for their price, but it's only because you can do the dishes without having to put your hands in the water.
You sit there and watch the kettle boil. You didn't bring your palmhusk into this room (and briefly wonder where it is before remembering you placed it on your desk) so you're just sitting there as time stretches out. Eventually the water boils and you make your instant noodles. You eat them straight out of the pot you used to cook them, like a heathen, scratching the bottom further in the process. You pass the mirror in the hall on the way back to your room.
Back to the comfortable green-purple glow reflecting off your monitors. Guess who's onliiineee~!
That's right, your favourite. With the grace and longstanding ease of a well-worn habit, you make a new account and show up in his directed messrages, or DMs for short. You've thought of so many different handles to fit your preferred two-letter initial combo. All the better for him to recognise you with.
> lavishlyAffectionate [LA] has started discoursing with latestSymphony [LS]!
You start to type out an introduction, but before you can say anything he quickfires his defence.
LS: I'm sorry for blocking you, Nia.
LS: I just..
LS: I just needed a bit of space. *Flinches a little.*
Oh, truly, like music to your ears. And he's all yours, too. No one else has direct access to him like this, he's too small to appear on the average lolmoobeastseeker's radar. It nearly gets you to make an inappropriate expression. You reign yourself in.
LA: oh atsune
LA: whatever will i do with you
LA: you already know you fucked up
LA: good
LA: so what sort of punishment should i give you desu
Room for interpretation is the most fun part. No way for him to leak this and not have everyone assume it's just some fucked up pitch thing, so he can't stop you. That is, if you had a solid enough digital presence to actually tie any accusations to in the first place.
LS: Well, I, would prefer no punishment...
LA: you dont think you can block me and face no consequences right
LA: youre stupid but not that stupid wwwww
LA: right
LA: are you stupid desu
LS: I'm not that stupid, yes. :(
LS: *She steels herself, drawing in a shuddering breath.*
LS: I just, don't have anything more to give you...
LS: I don't have any secrets left.
LA: oh so maybe you are stupid
LA: i see
LA: sou desu
LS: I promise! I promise
LS: I have more money but you don't even want that..
He's tried to pay you off a couple of times. You've used that when money's really tight, but you despise having to.
LA: thats right
LA: that isnt what im here for
LA: im your biggest fan atsune
LA: i just want to know all about you desu
LS: I don't think that's true..
LA: it is
LA: ive listened to everything youve ever made
LA: even all the unreleased stuff
LA: thats the definition of a superfan right desu
LS: Yes, true, but..
LA: so why are you on my ass about this
LA: do you want to lose your only fan
LA: is that it
LA: the only person thatll ever listen to all the trash you make
LA: i give feedback and help you improve
LA: im so nice to you desu
It is true. That you listen to everything. You have to be accurate enough that he actually has a reason to care about what you say. A rust sweetroot and frondrod approach. You can practically hear him starting to sniffle and sob behind the screen. Isn't this the best entertainment of all?
LS: You do help me with my music, yes, but
LS: I don't know if you need to be so aggressive about it..
LA: wow atsune are you tone policing a lowblood
LA: casteist of you really
LA: thats going in the callout post
LA: next to stuff like your appropriative name desu
LS: It's, not that, that's not what I meant.
LA: i mean i could always doxx you to |mu| lol
LA: do you want everyone to know youre a boy you fucking freak lmao
LA: the choice is always easy
LA: what would your lusus think hm
LA: i could make sure it reaches him
LA: does he know you dress up like a girl and jerk off into your panties
LA: you degenerate desu
> latestSymphony [LS] has blocked lavishlyAffectionate [LA]!
Oh, fuck. A little too hard, a little too fast. You'll have to be nicer next time, but you'll give him a couple of days to cool down, or you'll think of some way to give him a lighter punishment for blocking you. Can't actually alienate him.
He just kind of pisses you off sometimes, is the thing. Because he's a coward. Because he won't tell his lusus. Because he won't risk anything ever, because he always makes the safe decision. It just pisses you off.
And you've managed to put yourself in a sour mood again. You got another message from GA, though, so that'll take the edge off. You close this chat and consign it to damnation. You will never open it again, and never log into this account ever again.
GA: i've gotten you something better than a handle!
GA: invite link
GA: this way you can work with all of us to help out :)
She's the best. Most useful accomplice you could have ever asked for. You don't even bother asking for a primer on what's going on, or responding to her, you just immediately join the conversation...
> hope you brought pizza, languorousAggravation!
.. on your main. Fuck. Well, you can't back down anymore, you guess, so you're going to have to try minimise your losses. No one should recognise you, though, at the very least. You go back to GA's message to thank her, and while doing so you notice the invite link hasn't expired. You switch back to the group.
LA: so i heard there was a husktop you needed access to
LA: is it airgapped desu
GA: everyone, this is my friend LA, or lala for short!
GA: that's the nickname i've been using in my head at least
GA: she's a really talented computer wizard
She's the worst, and you need her to stop immediately. You're revealing more than you'd like, here, but if it's what you need to do to prevent that sticking, then so be it.
LA: you can call me nia
LA: now i heard you had a husktop
LA: can any of you plug it in desu
LG: BONNIE IS JUST CA/CHING HER BREA/H
LG: I CAN FI// YOU IN /HOUGH IF YOU WAN/
GL: the room is_ truly empty right?
GL: nothing else_ in there?
GL: just the sleeping platform_ the desk_ and the husktop?
SG: Bonniiiie was quiiite clear about that.
SG: Unless you want to bother her agaiiin and maybe delay gettiiing any useful answer?
So, you're stuck in a room with a bunch of fucking normie (redacted) dipshits. You'd better not think any slurs around them (they could smell it on you), let alone say any, so they don't pick up on the fact you're one of those, you know. You know. At least for now (lol).
LA: does it have a router
LA: should be one if there is a husktop (and the owner isn't some freak)
LA: look for a rectangular grub roughly the size of a book that is hooked into the wall at your frond height (either set of fronds)
LA: it will have anywhere from two to four different grubs biting it with their (not your) fronds pointing up desu
GL: i know what a router looks like_
GL: either way_
AL: okay i'm back!
GL: oh never mind_
AL: i do see a router!!!
AL: so what do i need to do for that?
You explain the way in which she can expose the router to the broader network, which mostly involves shoving something into its nervous system in just the right way to reset it, making it forget its key. Using the default password, you get her to log in via her palmhusk, and throw the whole thing open by changing a bunch of settings and downloading something onto it. This lets you wake the husktop on WLAN, shove a "critical update" its way, and tear a hole into its security.
You're in.
This whole process takes approximately an hour, not because of your perceived lack of skill, but because doing tech support across a distance is as hellish as it was the last time you had a job. You're glad the tower was already connected, because else you'd have to try and explain how to key a husktop's blood and pheromone keys into said router for a new connection (considering it lacks wires), and even on a default key that process is fucking annoying. Sparks intermittently leave your eyes as your frustration rises further, and you spend a good part of this time idly wondering how to best handle the situation with Rukaka in order to keep your thoughts calm.
You're also taking notes on the new people you've come into contact with as a result of GA's nonsense, scrolling up and checking previous logs, writing down names. You're a little shocked when you realise GL is the rustie that went viral for shutting down a drone by simply standing in front of it and shuffling about in a really odd way. You also now have her full legal name (and as a result her address) and her social media, and a bunch of stuff she thought she deleted off her social media but was still waybacked by some enterprising individual who is probably not unlike you.
You can't decide whether you want to praise her or curse her, standing up to the drones is hilarious either way and has caused a bunch of incredible footage of attempted copycats, but it also made them harder to fuck with as a pissblood now that they patched another exploit (however the fuck patching works, you aren't a puke-coloured freak). You'll decide later whether she gets special treatment.
The shitblood is a little interesting because it looks like she's a genuine goodie two-shoes, and wears a mask 24/7 despite the fact it fucks with her audio quality. You also silently take note of the fact she drinks a worse energy drink than you do. Other than trying to figure out if she has horrific facial scars to make fun of, she's kind of boring, though, unless you want to flame her political beliefs
You can't get a read on the other shade of puke in the rainbow yet because she just doesn't talk. Makes you want to needle her, though. Something about her feels like you've seen her before, but her handle shows no results. Similarly, the loud fuck is interesting but you know better than to fuck with potential oinkbeasts before verifying whether they're the -lacerating or the legis- kind of processed oink product. They seem like a set, and you can practically feel the tension between them, like they're waiting to flip pitch any time. Or worse than that, if you have your say. You make it a mission to find out what their chittr handles are because you swear you've read that annoying quirk in teal before on some screenshot.
Either way, you've lifted everything you can off this husktop (it's really fucking barebones, actually) and you have one actual lead, which is also hilarious. Mirthful, even. Time to see if bronzie can keep her pants clear of her colour.
LA: so youre not gonna like the one piece of usable information on here
LA: but there is an address in here(lol)
LA: how do you feel about a chateau
LA: wanna get fuckin spooked desu
AL: no?
AL: i would like to not have to deal with clowns ever again!
GL: hear_ hear_
AL: after getting jumpscared by a painted clown symbol i don't want to see clowns ever again
AL: did you know it moved? i didn't know they could do that with blood
LA: too bad(wwwww)
LA: youre going to clown hell desu
> latestSymphony [LS] is finally here!